The landlord and the man

(A bit of rhyming nonsense)


“A pint of ale, landlord please.  I’m dying of thirst; down on my knees.”

“But where are you from, I beseech and implore.  I’ve never seen you in this pub before.”

“From the back of beyond I find myself here, to drink my fill of your premium beer.”

“Be a pleasure to serve you my good man, I’ll pull you a pint as fast as I can.  And how is your health, may I venture to ask?  Please do tell whilst I draw from this cask.”

“Betwixt and between, this way and that.  Feel a bit lonesome; could do with a chat.”

“Chatter away, chatter all day; stand here and chatter as long as you pay . . .  for the drink of course; the chatter is free. Chatting is cheery for you and for me.”

“Does everyone here speak in rhyme?  The place I come from, it’s considered a crime.  Be nice to find some like-minded folk, who won’t want to treat me as a big joke.”

“No fear of that in this pub of mine.  If you wish to stay longer, I’ll invite you to dine.  We serve a hot platter of meat and three veg; the finest in town, I give you my pledge.”

“A plump roast bird would be very nice; garnished with herbs, sprinkled with spice. It sounds oh-so tempting, but I can’t sit alone, with no one to help me pull the wish-bone.”

“I must agree, that wouldn’t be fun.  I’ll call the others as soon as they’re done.  They’re repairing the dam in yonder creek.  It’s developed a crack and beginning to leak.”

“Landlord sir, you’ve been very kind, but I need to tell you my head’s misaligned.  Since the first light of day and to my chagrin, this muddled brain has been in a spin.  So in conclusion, and before I depart, some words of sanity let me impart.  I see no others, I see no dam, are you sure you’re not as mad as I am?”



Star-crossed lovers



Will Shake was the first cousin of Milk Shake, the owner of the Hampton Diner.  Will, was a frequent visitor to his cousin’s establishment and mostly sat alone in the furthest corner where he had a good view of all the other patrons.  He enjoyed watching courting couples, holding hands across the table whilst gazing longingly into each other’s eyes.

On one occasion, a pretty young girl wearing a floral dress, puffed out by many layers of petticoats, left her companion and skipped jauntily into the lady’s room.  When, after a long time she did not re-emerge, her eager beau became concerned.  He approached the door on which hung a gold star partly obscured by a large cross.  He stopped, straining to listen for any sound from inside.  Eventually, he could restrain himself no longer, and called out in a loud voice, “Juliet, Juliet, wherefore art thou Juliet?” 

The door burst angrily open and an enraged Juliet emerged, “That’s supposed to be my line, stupid.  I never want to see you again!”